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Columnists |
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I don’t know what its like in your neck-o-the-woods but here by the woodstove in winter, we conjure up words to keep the cabin from givin’ us a fever. Havin’ four legs instead of two adds to the number of letters put into some words (or backwards), a privilege I have as the assistant editor. If veerin’ away from misspellin’s is your sport, an yer walkin’ down a discriminatin’ path, then you’re barkin’ up the wrong paper. When stoken’ our fire, we use the dictionary, but some may prefer this tabloid. |
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Spring is a happy time chillin' and we iz rejoicin' 'cause the groun iz fixin' ta pop out wif all its pretties. Jewels from de earth - she iz givin' dem ta us, perkin' up our spirits so we gits dat inner shine! We goes 'roun happy-like 'cause spring iz goin' ta show us how, yessa! Let dat spirit take a-holt now an don' be lookin' like winter done cum back to glum ya all over. |
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Pen: We've got job security you & I. Paper: Assuming there will continue to be need for the written word. Pen: There are volumes of books, periodicals and newspapers printed every day, my friend. Paper: Better a strong wind were to toss me around than be drowned by an ocean of words! Pen: So! You would rather be BLANK and MEANINGLESS than to FULFILL YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE? |
Paper: OUCH! You're putting holes in myself!
Alright, tear me apart, driving your point home! Pen: Oh, I'm so sorry my friend. Paper: Aggression, momentary lapse of understanding and reason. Pen: I don't know what came over me. Paper: Alas, we are manipulated, you and I. IN THE COLUMN IDEAS AND COMMENT FROM THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN HERALD, READERS WERE ENTERTAINED BY AN INSIGHTFUL CONVERSATION BETWEEN CHILDE HERALD'S TYPEWRITER & DESK. |
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We have embarked upon a journalistic adventure, submerged but not dampened by currents and tides, braving a course through uncharted territory where we encounter dragons, mythical places, critters and breathing volcanoes because fear is not aboard this vessel (nor is the manual that came with this scooner) but no matter, we shall sail through capsizing waves and endure journeys that take us to unmapped territories where we can splash around in an imaginative world. |
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Wok to fetch one wooden bowl, yes? Pour water to wok, insert bowl... stir, make wave, fan to make wind. Boil cause trouble. Empty wok? STRANDED! Add to bowl: Tofu? SINK! Make sink-swim soup - NO TOW FOOL. |
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What does peoples wants? Nacho spens mucho tiempo (time) en fiel' for to work para mis familia so dey has dinero (money). Peoples trabajo (work) en grande officinas an gets no air, no sun, but dey has mucho tings (cosas) an has to pay doktor to buy health. Dey pay to go to gym for to work, by car so dey no walk, mucho comida so dey go back to gym. Aye, aye, aye. Nacho happy to keeps life simple.
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M: Oh, I feel a shortness of breath doctor and dizziness! D: Have you had these symptoms long my dear? M: Since I got my last doctor bill. How was your date last night? D: She left after the appetizer! M: Perhaps you shouldn't have dissected the chicken wings! D: Was THAT the problem? So what is the prognosis? M: Wash down a miracle pill with a dose of Tilly's purging tea! |
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Social & Medical Issues |
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